a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
