my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
