she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Green mimosas i think yes
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
