she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
