Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
