Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
