I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
