Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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