Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
