I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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