one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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