A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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