escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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