what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
