I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
