the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
