she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
