I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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