I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
