So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
vagina is talking i cant
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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