His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
