On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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