so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
