I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
