Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
