OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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