oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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