It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
