Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
