Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize