she looked like the before picture.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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