Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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