In the future we'll all be gay
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize