her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
