you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
