We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
