I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
