I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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