Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
