my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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