Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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