I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
