seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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