the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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