There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
