hotel room ftw
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
