Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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