I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
