If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
