we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
false alarm, still single
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
