***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
