so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
