Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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