dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
