Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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