apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
