Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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