There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize