Best friends brother. Beat that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize