So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
