You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
