epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
