____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
