I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
