He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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