So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
