he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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