You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
