i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
