nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
